I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
