If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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