You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize