Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize