My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
