70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
