I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
