Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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