Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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