I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
