I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
