we have pet lesbian snakes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
