My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is Oprah even human
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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