guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
