the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
