As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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