Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
