Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
