The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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