please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
