Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize