and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
