Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
