I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
