Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
