we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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