It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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