Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
