I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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