Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
