i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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