I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize