Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
