it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize