Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
