Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
