Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
