I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
