Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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