On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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