hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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