Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
