i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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