There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize