after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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