So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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