I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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