remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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