I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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