He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
