i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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