Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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