He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
