Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize