i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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