After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize