oh god the rape fog is back!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
