shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
