As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
