I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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