Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
