this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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