I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
