My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
