hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
