I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
