so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
