whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
