Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
