that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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