actually, I'm a sock model
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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