last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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