she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
