they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize