I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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