i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize