If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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