dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
