my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
