I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
