i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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