Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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