best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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