i don't like sucking hair
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
