Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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