I think I won the penis lottery.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
