PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
