I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
