im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
