Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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