I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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