He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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