Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
