nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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