Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize