Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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