Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had to cum in my sink.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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