I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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