hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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