Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
