Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
