so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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