this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
