I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
