i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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