Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
