apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
