I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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