Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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