u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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