I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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