that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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